The Worm Has Turned

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Lord Mango

*-TOO MUCH INFORMATION

My brain doesn't want to concentrate on anything.

I've been going over my budget. IF I can bring up my hours and IF absolutely nothing else goes wrong with the car and IF I buy absolutely nothing else including the new underwear and work pants I wanted...I MIGHT be able to make the tax money last until after the rent and DMP get paid for May. Then maybe the tax rebates will arrive. IF I get the amount I think I will, I'll be okay until July.

I have to get moving on selling the Star Wars and Star Trek stuff left behind by StarWarsGuy. I hesitate because putting things on eBay is chancy. Will they sell for a decent amount? Will they sell at all? I still have to pay the insertion fees even if the item doesn't sell. How will I properly calculate the weight of the packages so I don't get screwed on shipping? I have to put the item in the box, basically pack it and weight it before I post the auction. I'm thinking I may have to buy a postal scale. It's really the only way to be accurate. Jeez, how much will that cost?

It will cost $40+tax, that's how much. I looked it up.

I'm really fucking sick and tired of being poor. I can't ever buy anything on credit again, NOT ANYTHING. I may have to pay for car repairs with the auto card but no buying. Anything. At all. Ever. Unless it is such a goddamn emergency that I have absolutely no other recourse, some other type of car related emergency that can't be put on the auto card...like a tow truck fee.

But there can be no more buying of anything else. There just can't be. It's going to take me another three years and then my credit cards will be paid off. And then I'll be able to start saving. And don't tell me about I should be saving now. There isn't any saving now because (a)it will interfere with the amount I get in foodstamps and could affect my Medicaid availability and (b)there just isn't any saving. None. It can't be done. If I "paid myself first" there would be bills going unpaid and I prefer my electricity not be shut off.

I'm started to get agitated again. I keep thinking of all the money articles I see, the budgeting suggestions, ten ways to save right now, getting by on $25,000 a year...and they talk about this as if it's a hardship...my god, if I had $25,000 I wouldn't have a single money problem right now. Not with my skeleton budget. The people who write these things have no concept of being truly poor. I want to strangle them sometimes. And I'm not even the worst off! I know this!

I'm tired. I open tomorrow. I need to find a pill or drink some chamomile and go to bed.